ascending peculiarity

I spent this weekend feeling just oddly out of sorts. It’s always annoying, every single time I have to admit to myself that my body really has much more control over my mind than my mind has over my body. Of course, not being in control is where so many of my frustration really come from, and it’s not like it’s something that’s going to go away. I need to learn how to just deal with it. I’m a lot better at it now than I was a year ago — thanks, therapy! — but still far from ideal.

Yesterday I was feeling seriously anxious for the first time in a while, and since I had neither work or school, I went ahead and took some of my anxiety medication. It wiped me out completely, which was actually pretty nice. Sometimes a weekend of sleep is exactly what you need.

I have delivery food coming right now. That’s not responsible money management by any means, but it’s the last time for the forseeable future. Tomorrow starts new twin goals for me: a) don’t spend money on food unless you have no food whatsoever and b) stop drinking soft drinks. I’ve tried the giving-up-soda thing many times before, but who knows; many the umpteenth time is the charm!

My favorite song of the moment is definitely “I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You” by Black Kids. They had their EP up for download for free for a long time, but it seems to be gone now. Still, you can probably find the song somewhere on the hype machine.

I’m missing people a lot right now. Not anybody specifically, but just … people. I like Eugene a lot, but it’s not home. Knowing there are dozens of people I can cling to on instant messenger or email doesn’t make up for the fact that I don’t know anyone in this city I can just go to for a hug when I need one, or call up to go out to lunch and play Uno with afterwards.