ghosts are good company

portland lost (unless there was a sudden twist of fate in the last few minutes). there were three bunnies tonight (i’m just afraid that they’re going to declare them rodents at some point).

one of the things i miss most when i don’t have (access to) a car is the music part of it all. i ran out of this american life podcasts at work tonight (how will i stay awake without you, ira glass?!) and, all alone in my half of the building, danced around to gogol bordello. i’ve stated before and probably will again that they and the decemberists can lift me through most any trial.

it’s interesting. i love both of these bands, but neither of them is My Very Favorite. which might be why it works. kimya tmbg the magnetic fields the mountain goats have followed me up and down through so many times… while so far, the ‘cemberists and gogol help bring the downs up, because they don’t have any (so many, at least) major emotional attachments. never mind bands that have been loved and lost due to their memories, but we all have those (come down now, they’ll say).

gogol bordello is for dancing, standing waiting for the bus and being unable to refrain from moving my feet, in a flurry of cultural love and history. there’s a part of my heart that insists that these are my people, even though none of them actually share my czech culture (…that i know of). it’s an awesome thing to feel, though, because the nordic heritage i grew up with is awesome, but sometimes a bit culturally bland.

the decemberists fall more on that nordic side (of town), though, at least with the nautical emphasis. i’ve always been attracted to storytellers (and accordions), and love a song that i can get lost in. when you combine that with a sing-along-ability and that certain perfect amount of cleverer-than-thou-ness (because you know i was raised to believe it), they’re irresistible.

the hard thing about blasting your songs and speeding all the way home feeling infinite? is that the speeding actually makes the ending come sooner.

i have a challenge between making this blog [my] “family friendly” and making it… about much of my life. but i guess since folks wouldn’t know me very well at all without knowing this, i spend the vast majority of my social time engaged it trans community activism and/or at the “local queerlady-owned sexuality boutique” - “a sex store even your mother would love.”

partially i bring this up because they (the rubber rose, the store mentioned above), just hosted the annual traveling roadshow that is the sex worker’s art show. i’ve been four out of the last five years now, and this year i had the most fun (even though nomy lamm wasn’t on the tour), largely because carly and lea (see above queerladies) made it such an awesome environment.

i attribute the environment mostly to lea and carly, even though the show was at a different venue, because it had the same spirit of delight, enthusiasm, and wonder that makes all of the rubber rose’s events awesome. still, it was missing as much of a feeling of power (youtube, sound) as some of their past events. the show was at a different venue becauuuuse the rubber rose has permit Issues. due to their being an “adult business” apparently there is a whole laundry list of things that are not allowed in their performance space. which drives me crazy.

ah, well. if you haven’t missed it yet, go see the art show. and if you’re in the area, go give the rubber rose some money. because i can’t. because i still don’t have a job. awesome!! oh: and official no-go on amsterdam today. double-awesome.

hoo boy, internets.

i have my first official Derby Injury*. i landed smack dab on my butt today, and yowch. it hurts a lot. i’ve been icing it, and tomorrow i think i’ll start with pain pills. it’s my tailbone, but my back has been hurty also. i’m hoping that’s just from new postures i’m learning, rather than also from the falling-on-butt.

mmm,yeah. so there’s that.

big news in my world lately is that eve 6, the band about which i obsessed for many a year, is reuniting. kind of. frankly, i’m a little confused - two of the members have been playing together in a band called the sugi tap, and now those same two members are instead turning their sights to a eve 6 reunification - with the blessing of the old guitarist to have someone new on guitars. at any rate, they’re in los angeles on the 26th, and i’m hoping i can get up there.

my grandfather is town, and that’s nice. we had dinner with him and my aunt, which - other than my butt complaining, and it’s started to hurt so much more since then - was healthy and tasty. food is so good.

i have been watching heroes** and ooh, i enjoy it. i am excited about this tv season, there is lots going on and it’s entertaining. i’ve never really followed tv like this before, so it’s weird.

my favorite awesome baby is walkin’!

*so, i’m the newbie in derby boot camp. this means that i’m re-learning how to skate, and building up my stamina, and then will join the boot camp folks in learning turns and stops and things like that. after people master those things they move up to training camp where they actually learn derby-type things like contact and (better) falling. so i have trouble calling what i’m doing derby, but it’s a start.
**and ugly betty and grey’s anatomy and private practice and pushing daisies.

dear buffy musical,

i kind of love you.

i’m just sayin’. i was petrified about last night, about going by myself, until i saw that they were looking for people to assemble goody bags (”i used to do this all by myself, until i realized that people might be willing to help me!” / “when did you start having people help you?” / “oh, about three shows ago.”), and so i did that and met people and then i wasn’t all by myself! which is awesome.

and while i was the only one really injecting the musical with the overabundance of lewd that it so obviously deserves, it was still full of the sauce of awesome, because everybody was having a great time and being clever.

it also plays tonight, and i am hoping hoping to go again (that would be, um, my third time?). hurray!

wow, monday was a place for a bunch of new things.

my mother bought a car on sunday - traded hers in, actually -  so i spent some time in the new car, getting to know it and its quirks.  it’s pretty lovely, a 2007 civic hybrid, and seems to like me as well.  it’s cars.com “best car for first-time drivers” (here) which is an interesting category to even exist - and which i’m not, a first-time driver, but…  hmm.

one of the places from which i drove was derby bootcamp.  i finally made it there, and on the right day so that i wasn’t the only brand new kid!  the derby dolls have it set up so that there’s this bootcamp, and there’s also training camp - once you’ve mastered your skating and stopping skills, you then get to move up to training camp and work on your contact and falling.  i think it’s an awesome setup, and i’m super excited to be in a city that has such a through program.

bootcamp wiped me out.  i could only skate for part of the hour - because i am completely out of shape, which we already knew, and being careful to not spin into anxiety-mode.  i’m coming early next time, so that i can skate for longer, but with breaks more regularly.  so much sweat!  i haven’t participated in team sports in ten years, and i remember how much i hated it - but also those pockets of enjoyment.

after bootcamp i decided that it would be an awesome idea to go to the gym?  but the pool, truthfully.  there i had the dreadful surprise that i couldn’t swim a whole lap without feeling like i was going to sink.   a large part of this, of course, is just exhaustion from derby, but it’s unsettling.  still, i got to sit in the bubbly spa and then the sauna for a while, and talked to some folks there.

there was a crazy amount of womanness in the day - first “the girls” and “sisterhood” at derby, and then the women’s locker room.  i feel like such a foreigner in these kinds of places, but at the same time i know that i need to take advantage of how i do fit in, and not isolate myself when i don’t need to.

all through roller derby, i had a few bits in my head of a song that i don’t know.  on the way home i was playing with the radio controller on the steering wheel (this new car thing is crazy, guys) and kt tunstall’s “hold on” came on - the song that was in my head, of course.  what timing.

[[speaking of songs, i added the tracklist to my seattle mix-cd post, since the person it was a surprise for has now received it.]]

last night i made a mix cd based on seattle - songs about seattle, not by people in seattle. it’s a little obvious, a little lewd, and a little amusing. do any of you want a copy? maybe we could do a mix cd swap? if you’re interested, leave a comment and we can exchange addresses or whatever by email.

here’s the cover image (shrinkified):

the image is from the pi. a “composite photograph” from 1986. ’shop!

the tracklist, in case anyone’s interested:

The Long Winters - Prom Night At Hater High
Craig Chaquico & Russ Freeman - Seattle Child
Brazen Abbot - Restless in Seattle
Abigail Anderson - Seattle
Bob Rivers - West Seattle Girls
Sir Mix-a-Lot - Posse On Broadway
The Postal Service - This Place Is A Prison
Anti-Flag - Seattle Was A Riot
The Business - Holiday in Seattle
Kimya Dawson - I Will Never Forget
Connie Smith - Seattle
Steve Vai - The Boy From Seattle
Bill Cosby - Seattle

in a different direction, fish with no name is no more. apparently i fail at having a fish. the building i’ve been working in has amaaazing fish in the lobby, but i won’t be working here after tomorrow. i wonder if they’d mind me coming in to see the fish anyway. :D

…this is how it works
you’re young until you’re not
you love until you don’t
you try until you can’t
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

no, this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some
someone else’s heart
pumping someone else’s blood
and walking arm in arm
you hope it don’t get harmed
but even if it does
you’ll just do it all again…

i’ve certainly heard of regina spektor, i’m pretty sure she’s fairly popular among a certain crowd, but perhaps the first time i’ve heard her music was the other day.

my mother mentioned at some point radio sophie, and i was charmed by the idea because one of my favorite people is named sophie, and i would love it if she had a radio station because it would play delightful music. the actual radio sophie isn’t actually so delightful and it’s owned by cbs, but it still has perhaps the best playlist of all of the corporate radio in san diego. which maybe is saying something.

anyway, i first heard regina spektor’s “on the radio” on the radio, on my way home from somewhere - oh! bowling, i think. my mother’s work goes bowling every so often, and i was invited to bowl with them. i bowl badly. i warned them when i was invited that i would bowl about eighty, and indeed i averaged seventy-nine.

anyhow, on the radio was “on the radio” and it made me cry. you can listen to it here, at least for a little while. i think it was a minor hit a while ago? i like it the most of any of her music that i’ve heard.

i have a new friend who is a fish. he doesn’t have a name yet, but he is a pink betta fish with light blue and silvergray coloring. he is pretty lovely, and he lives in the kitchen.

tomorrow is knitting at the whistle stop. i need a new project, though, because i finished my current one at the trans discussion group i went to tonight. it’s a long and skinny garter snake, i mean scarf, out of some lion brand landscapes i picked up when my ex worked at jo-ann - in summer fields (mine is a bit looser gauge, i did it on fifteens), which is a color scheme that i love sooo much. for no apparent reason… but it makes me excessively happy. i am thinking of doing this with it, but i am not completely sure if i want to - i’m afraid that it will get thicker, and i don’t want that. i really just can’t decide if it’s nice or horrible. i *do* want tassels, so i need to figure out whether or not fulling is go. any thoughts, knitters? suggested needles are thirteens, so it’s not like there’s giant holes. i might take it with me to the stitch and bitch and ask them.

so, that’s why i don’t talk about knitting. also because i never know what to knit. i want to do fun things, but i’m horrible at remembering patterns. i made a… thing… today that was an experiment in how stranded colorwork will felt (i wasn’t very surprised that the cuff, or whatever it will be, got twice as wide around after i felted it and then snipped the carried-over yarn. i’ll felt it again and see how it turns out. i want to make this eventually, and it would be super fun to do some kind of symbol (piiiiirate bag?) on the middle panel.

i have so much yarn, especially considering how little i knit. and so many needles!

i’ll suffer you through discussions of these things in the future.

my favorite music blog alerted me to the fact that there’s a new rilo kiley album. i like them, i’ve liked them ever since i stumbled across them five or so years ago, so i am always glad to hear new things from them. i think. t-sides talks about how variable the album is, and i agree. i was hearing a lot of mainstream pop in some places, and hints of k.d. lang in others. what is that?! it worries me. at the same time, though, maybe i like where this is going. i’m afraid of change, though - which is why “breakin’ up” is, unsurprisingly, what i’ve decided is my favorite track on this album (the song is kindly linked here). i’m somewhat a twit and texted cubbie two lines from it today - i bet you can guess which ones.

i think that the image here is an appropriate example of how rilo kiley has changed since their last album. jenny lewis seems to be really frustrated with a lot of things going on in her world, and she’s handling it differently than she used to. it feels a bit like she’s a little girl who is a friend of mine, who is suddenly trying to dress up in clothes that she still doesn’t fill out. i’m not sure why their more depressing work was something that worked for me, but this sudden hypersexuality isn’t. maybe i just need to listen to the album a few more times.

they’re playing here in october, and i’m not sure (especially considering all the other shows i want to go to in october) if i want to go see it. i think my heart is walling itself up and i’m afraid to be let down.

yet again, patches emulates life. tomorrow is the “monsters of accordion” tour (well, two days from now - there’s still all of thursday to go), and i’m sourly tempted… but there’s the whole way that even though my last post was about not spending money? i’ve been spending money.

on:

• the patches book (mentioned in the past post)
• both anna oxygen albums, because i have found that her music makes me immensely happy.
• wreck this journal. there’s a grammatical error on that page. perhaps it is not the best journal for me after all. but, to quote strongbad, “oooh, if you want to be possessive, it’s just i-t-s, but if it’s supposed to be a contraction, then it’s i-t-apostrophe-s. scalawag.”

i’m feeling self-conscious because maybe two new people have said “hello, i am reading your blog!” and that makes it so many more people than the one person who was reading it before. i’ve been blogging since (this is the part where i count on my fingers) 2000? but i’ve been doing it mostly privately until last summer, when i took a class called “art of the blog” which was pretty awesome, but also really scary. the class was mostly blog design, truthfully, but it also asked me to step out of the protected space bubble and take credit for my thoughts and opinion and overabundant rambling on google, which i’m still rather afraid of (speaking of bad grammar).

i took another class with arlen this summer, and faced somewhat the same challenge - this time it was just basic web design. it was different for me than the rest of the class, because i started designing web pages in (finger-counting again) 1998 or so? maybe 1997? and they were crappy. i was very young, and this was right before/at the very begining of css, so all of the resources available were all about table-based layouts and… it was messy, is the moral of the story. still i lean toward the very simple design, so it was somewhat embarrassing. i ended up making that page and this mini-site for my ex-boyfriend, cubbie.

cubbie and i went to see the simpsons movie today, speaking of cubbie and spending money and evergreen (when i was a tour guide at evergreen we were always encouraged to mention groening. i was always kind of embarassed, not by his work but by how proud evergreen was of him). the movie was surprisingly good - i’m always afraid of things like that (vague, um, tv shows that are pretty good turning into movies? the simpsons’ potential for either greatness or sludge? things that are marketed explosively?), but i laughed a lot and waved my hands gleefully even more.

we were at the grand lake theater, where the matinee was affordable and the popcorn was free (mon.-thu. for the summer)! it feels like a good deal, even if i did have to pay seven dollars to cross the bay and back - one of us would have had to anyway. ho hum.

the theater is absolutely beautiful. we sat in the balcony of theater three (balcony because it reminded me of the capitol theater in olympia), which is decorated in a faux-egyptian theme, with paintings on the walls and statuary. all of the entrance wall has hieroglyphics stenciled on to it - i wonder if they say anything. my favorite part of the theater by far, however, was the ceiling. i looked up and… stars! cubbie’s analysis was “that’s how they do stars at disneyworld,” but mine was just “ooh, shiny.”

after the movie we walked around for a while, exploring, and found many places to have our nails done. had we, you know, wanted to get our nails done. eventually i came home and procrastinatorially puttered, although i was successful in emailing the derby dolls about my interest in them.

also i was successful in pouring a whole glass of water onto my bed. i had thought i would get to bed “early” tonight, too.

i’m sitting in a coffeeshop in portland, typing on my macbook. it’s a stereotype i don’t usually fit, but i’ve got four hours still until my train leaves. i should go soon and catch my bus downtown - i might go to ground kontrol and play video games for the rest of the wait, but they don’t open until noon (and that’s just theoretical).

i’ve only been here for a bit - twenty hours in portland, almost as long as my next train ride - but it’s been nice, i was able to visit with a friend and find a place to sleep, which is about all one can ask. next stop sacramento, for even less time than portland, and then i’ll be back in san francisco… at least for a bit.

first thing on the agenda in san francisco is to go see bishop allen when they play live there. i haven’t bought a ticket, but i don’t thiiink it will sell out… a concert alone is going to be weird.

anyhow, those are the travel things. in seattle last week i went to see a rat city rollergirls bout, which made me wish that i had seen the film about them, and also that i could be in seattle for the championships. there’s a special on derby from kbtc up on youtube here, which has just a basic intro to what derby is and stuff. other than how i will describe it, which mostly includes the word “awesome.”

so, yes, now it is later and i should really leave this coffehouse, because my joints are feeling like they would like to moooove.