ghosts are good company

i’m almost afraid to tell you about how things are going well and seeming to come together, because it seems like whenever i tell you that things fall apart again. but. i’m pending on a job, have a pretty-sure-thing place to live, and am going to probably buy a car sometime next week. yes, after a summer of not growing up, this is where we get to. more plans, but pretty secure plans.

i’m still feeling pretty young, so recently graduated and recently smitten. every time i tell myself i’m not going to get seriously involved with somebody… i do. i mean, i was single for a year this time, which is… better for me than the, what, month or two between my last big relationships? but i’m surprised that i’m letting myself fall this hard. i’m trying my best to trust, but also to be prepared for implosion at any point. i think we both are.

so yeah. staying in olympia for a while. this boy also dreams of running off to amsterdam, so maybe (when our powers combine!) we can make that happen at some point.

i need to head to sophie’s house to water her plant. i like when she’s gone and i can sleep at her house, but i like even more when she’s in town and i can spend time with her! i have this evil plan that by being her only friend left in town, i can be her newbestfriend. don’t tell her, though. i’m keeping it on the down-low. only telling the internet, nobody else.

i went to bed thinking about working on this
gathered scarf, and proceeded to have a dream where i was going to go on a road trip (from the pacific northwest to san diego, i think) and i wanted to bring that project along to start. i wonder how to interpret that one, considering the above and that i’ve been borrowing my grandparents’ car this past week and that i’ve been trying to figure out how to get to portland in a couple of weeks.

it’ll be, if i make it out there, my first trip to the zine symposium without cubbie - but it’ll also be a trip where i know more people than ever. so it seems like a positive thing to do, and like there are more people from olympia going this year. i think i’m feeling like i really should do something awesome because typically i would be at homoagogo right now, but i’ve been travel-hungry for the past while anyway, as i mentioned.

last weekend (not yesterday!) a friend and i stayed in a (western) yurt at grayland beach state park. it was a really wonderful trip that made our overnight stay seem longer than it was, which i think is the mark of a successful retreat. we saw a pinniped of some sort on the shore… i’m pretty sure he was munching on seaweed, although that might have been in my imagination. also we flew a kite! and toured the gray’s harbor lighthouse.

most importantly on the trip, we learned that we can take the bus there from olympia! having acquired bus schedules for the region, i am excited about the potential for cheap minivacations by bus.

i’ve been trying to start skating again - i’ve been pretty wheel-shy since i fractured my tailbone, mostly because my sense of balance is missing. i went out the other day, though, and managed to calm down after a little while (my knees, they stopped shaking!!) and even fell properly (while falling managed to twist so that i landed on my fleshy hip, rather than my not-fleshy tailbone). i’m hopeful that the skatey trend will continue, but still laugh at the thought of ever being able to even take part in the tiniest part of derby.

i’m still trying to figure out some broad-based what-do-i-want-to-do-where-do-i-want-to-go questions. all of my ideas at this point seem more romanticized than realistic - i need to find a way to balance those aspects and find a life that can sustain me. ideas?

oh right, i graduated.

and got those seahorses in the previous post put on my body forever.

i’m antsily waiting to hear if i got a job - things sound promising, but they are taking their sweet time contacting my references. for now i’m (scouring job boards but also) living as if that is what’s going to happen, so i’m planning on couch surfing around seattolympia this summer (much like last summer, except under much lovelier circumstances).

yesterday was oly pride, which was ok - small town pride beats big city pride any day, except for when there’s not enough to do at littlepride and you’ve said hi to all your friends five times and don’t know what to do next.

so i went to a party and there was awesome music and square dancing (my favorite exhousemate was so amazed that i danced!) and babies and amazing gluten free cake, but then there was a “please save me there are no trannies at jake’s” so i went to the bars and the non-square dancing for a while.

saturday was the big gay bout, which was beauuutiful (and vagely offensive, if i want to read it that way), although the defeat of the pegacorns by the ligers was pretty devastating.

friday was solstice, monday the mariners lost to florida, which is just depressing, sunday was father’s day, friday was graduation, thursday i spoke up for washpirg to the board of trustees, tuesday i saw eli clare at u.w. (awesome) and then the sex and the city movie (not awesome), before that i was so swamped with school that i can’t begin to try to remember what was when. and the cosa nostra donnas kicked grave danger’s butt and i was sad.

so, we’re kind of caught up, yeah?

unsurprisingly, i have a paper to write - thus the post? but i’ve been a good kid lately. lots and lots and lots of school, because - i’m sure i’ve told you but just in case i haven’t - i’m graduating in three weeks. until then, so much work.*

so, life has been overwhelmingly busy, but pretty damn sweet. grave danger is playing the oly rollers tomorrow, my dad and stepmother and my favorite jaci are coming to the bout! it will be delightful to see all of them.

i wish that my great-grandmother wasn’t in the hospital - it puts quite a damper on the otherwise good. still, she is a strong one and i have faith that she’ll pull through again.

guess what’s winning the paper vs. sleep debate.

ah, well. goodnight, or good-whatever-it-is, to you. ♥

ohp.s.! i rasturbated my dino icon and it’s now on the wall, thirty sheets of paper, and it’s pretty grrreat.

*i just realized that this first paragraph is a summary of my last post. sorry.

i have been very anxious and avoidant lately, which makes the world pretty awesome. it’s that time of the quarter - the new!shiny! aspect of it all has worn off, and very few of the classes are as great as i was hoping. still, i have a new momentary excitement, which is that i have a topic for my Big Paper for one of my classes. i’m going to look at gender variance and tricksters, since… those are, you know, things that this trannypuck is interested in. i’m a little worried about the trickster as a racialized entity, but since it shows up in so many cultures… that would be an interesting thing to research on its own. it’s kind of exciting to have a paper idea that actually feels like it could easily fill its required length.

so that’s exciting, and graduating in a few weeks is exciting, but oh my goodness the stress has been killing me. i’ve had two migraines since getting here (it’s a good thing i’ve still got my medication-toting habit, since it’s been at least three years since i’ve had one), and my body has been wracked with acid. fortunately, i’ve only had one actual panic attack, and even that was… under special circumstances.

work is over after friday, a ‘good while it lasted but oh golly glad it’s gone’ type thing. i still haven’t heard from either of my summer programs to know if i should, you know, buy a plane ticket… if things don’t pan out there, i’m thinking of staying in washington and maybe doing americorps or something, but i really wish that i had any sort of idea at all when i would hear from the programs!!

yep. here’s me frustrated. i’ve been knitting a lot (a lot) to try to keep calm - it’s not a horrible thing, really. it’s kind of fun to follow patterns, that is my new knitting thing.

i want to remember to share with you: some pictures, stuff from the kimya show, and… what the tinies i live with did for my birthday. these are all Important Things that i should get to once the world shifts back into… whatever the second-highest gear is.

oh oh oh oh oh

yesterday’s cosa nostra donnas vs. derby liberation front bout was… wow. my phone *and* camera died right before, so my photodocumentation is limited, but the number of enthusiastic squeaks i could make is very high. i had to borrow a phone to call and enthuse in jaci’s general direction.

i think i like skateland better than skateworld - the ambiance is much nicer… but we weren’t able to get rinkside seats, so it was hard for me to see well enough to keep score and stuff very well… also the benches we were on hurt my butt… so i worked very heard on my cheering, first sitting on my knees and then standing on the benches.

dlf took the lead early and kept in throughout the first half. this made me very happy. the game was pretty clean, considering… there was an instance where i think an oly roller was almost leap-frogging one of the dlf, but other than that i couldn’t see anything too overwhelming (did i mention that i’m nearsighted?).

the halftime show was great, although the seattle derby brats pretty much whomped the kitsap derby brats… it was my first time seing jr. derby and they certainly did it good. “she just went under the blocker’s legs! is that even allowed?” you don’t see that much… ever… in old person derby!”

oh my goodness the second half. oly came back fierce, ready to take the bout home. they were slowly gaining back points until there were just a few minutes left and olympia was finally up by… a lot. i had thought they had it sewn shut as they went into the last jam, but then - oh then - the seattle jammer (i’m pretty sure it was burnett down?) grand slammed… and then some. she picked the lead back up brought it home for my sweet revolutionaries, laving the mob joint in cinders with a final score of 99-97. hot.

also there was cake.

i’ve been hesitant to post about this here since the last birthday i planned here went not so well, but… am going to anyway!!

this saturday the oly rollers‘ cosa nostra donnas are facing off against the rat city rollergirls‘ derby liberation front (aka my favorite team ever). it will be a challenging thing, me figuring out who i’m going to cheer for, but it will also be an awesome bout. i’m inviting everyone i run into to join me there, with the suggestion that they buy tickets online for $12 than risking it selling out and/or paying $17 at the door.

so! come! afterward there will probably be dinering, if anyone wants to just do that part… it should be a wonderful time at the bout, though!

in my morning ritual of peering at the damp earth that the seeds are planted in, i discovered… that glass is more insulating than rice milk boxes are. and also that perhaps i should turn on the space heater that my housemate lent me. because it actually snowed. in april. when it snowed in october a few years ago, that was understandable because it was the very end of october. this… i just can’t comprehend.

i’m really glad that i’m not living in a tent right now.

this planting project i officially declare to be a failure.

it’s strange, to have so many blogs in so many places. i’m also trying to get more involved with some online community that i love (i imagine that you all know who you are, but i would love to know who’s reading so i can make sure that i’m reciprocating!), because… they’re really nice kids.

that community loves to play picture your day, so i took my shot at it yesterday. you can see the album (with captions) heeeere. ♥

…now i have to start rushing for the bus again.

today i programed what may be the gayest python “programs” ever, so that’s awesome. also it was one teacher’s birthday and the other teacher brought cupcakes and golly it was cute.

also today! my grandfather brought me a real!mattress, which is so much warmer than the air mattress that it is now on top of. I Have Learned that air mattresses are colder if it’s cold in the room because they (duh!) hold cold air!! this real!mattress instead holds, uh, fluff and springs. and my body heat, i love that part.

also since the video that nobody commented on, i am borrowing a nice armchair and side table from my housemate, and there’s a chair in the study!closet. you all so care about the exact details of my room.

20% of school done, with a 100% record so far. not bad, not bad.

most boring post possible. perhaps. but! warm!