ghosts are good company

oh oh oh oh.

it’s been a hectic month, while at the same time being dead slow. work was crazy-busy, preparing for national mentoring month, until suddenly i was snowed in. for a week. it’s just now becoming safe to drive, and has been dreadful and wonderful at the same time – but the festivities for national mentoring month are definitely going to be lessened due to the loss of so much prep time. angst.

a major force in my world lately has been the olympia free choir. we’re performing our first show on january sixteenth:

Grand reopening

The Olympia Timberland Regional Library will celebrate its reopening from 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. Jan. 16. Local musicians and performers, including Kimya Dawson, will be on hand. The library is at 313 Eighth Ave. S.E.

this is the most snow i’ve experienced in my life, and i’m excited for it to go away so that things can get back to normal. it would be one thing if we were equipped to handle this at all, but… we’re not. nat and i walked over to see bolt (!! adorable) at the mall last thursday (the thursday before christmas), and the mall closed at six. i think it’s great that the mall was allowing their employees to, you know, get home safely – but i also think it’s a crazy illustration of how the snow broke down much of olympia’s capitalist system for a while.

butter has certainly been happy with the snow, though, because it means that i get to spend more time at home cuddling with him. at the point of this writing, he’s curled up in my lap with his nose buried in the crook of my elbow, asleep. he was drooling earlier.

i was going to plan a new-years-adventure for nat and i, but instead he is house sitting for his faculty, so it will be a new-years-stay-away-from-home thing (which will cost fantastically less money!) instead. we’re still trying to figure out what to do, if we want to go out or not, but i’m sure we’ll figure out something fun. free radio is having a new year’s eve disco.

i can’t wait until transit is back to normal again!

i’m almost afraid to tell you about how things are going well and seeming to come together, because it seems like whenever i tell you that things fall apart again. but. i’m pending on a job, have a pretty-sure-thing place to live, and am going to probably buy a car sometime next week. yes, after a summer of not growing up, this is where we get to. more plans, but pretty secure plans.

i’m still feeling pretty young, so recently graduated and recently smitten. every time i tell myself i’m not going to get seriously involved with somebody… i do. i mean, i was single for a year this time, which is… better for me than the, what, month or two between my last big relationships? but i’m surprised that i’m letting myself fall this hard. i’m trying my best to trust, but also to be prepared for implosion at any point. i think we both are.

so yeah. staying in olympia for a while. this boy also dreams of running off to amsterdam, so maybe (when our powers combine!) we can make that happen at some point.

i need to head to sophie’s house to water her plant. i like when she’s gone and i can sleep at her house, but i like even more when she’s in town and i can spend time with her! i have this evil plan that by being her only friend left in town, i can be her newbestfriend. don’t tell her, though. i’m keeping it on the down-low. only telling the internet, nobody else.

i have been very anxious and avoidant lately, which makes the world pretty awesome. it’s that time of the quarter – the new!shiny! aspect of it all has worn off, and very few of the classes are as great as i was hoping. still, i have a new momentary excitement, which is that i have a topic for my Big Paper for one of my classes. i’m going to look at gender variance and tricksters, since… those are, you know, things that this trannypuck is interested in. i’m a little worried about the trickster as a racialized entity, but since it shows up in so many cultures… that would be an interesting thing to research on its own. it’s kind of exciting to have a paper idea that actually feels like it could easily fill its required length.

so that’s exciting, and graduating in a few weeks is exciting, but oh my goodness the stress has been killing me. i’ve had two migraines since getting here (it’s a good thing i’ve still got my medication-toting habit, since it’s been at least three years since i’ve had one), and my body has been wracked with acid. fortunately, i’ve only had one actual panic attack, and even that was… under special circumstances.

work is over after friday, a ‘good while it lasted but oh golly glad it’s gone’ type thing. i still haven’t heard from either of my summer programs to know if i should, you know, buy a plane ticket… if things don’t pan out there, i’m thinking of staying in washington and maybe doing americorps or something, but i really wish that i had any sort of idea at all when i would hear from the programs!!

yep. here’s me frustrated. i’ve been knitting a lot (a lot) to try to keep calm – it’s not a horrible thing, really. it’s kind of fun to follow patterns, that is my new knitting thing.

i want to remember to share with you: some pictures, stuff from the kimya show, and… what the tinies i live with did for my birthday. these are all Important Things that i should get to once the world shifts back into… whatever the second-highest gear is.

a few years ago i started a trans group at my college… now my baby group has grown up without me, and i’m back with exciting plans. the first year we did an open mic focusing on people talking about their bodies, generally specific parts of them. this quarter, i want to do it again, with a lot of prep time and beauty. we’re meeting tomorrow to iron more stuff out, and i’ve scheduled space for on editing workshop at the end of april. what’s next on the list is, of course: a name.

i was drawn the body project, until i remembered… that’s a book. that i just purchased for class. which you can see in the video in my last post. the body monologues is just too… yeah. i’m thinking maybe bodies talk? but that seems a little too talking heads. i want… something inviting and fairly obvious to folks seeing the fliers, something that mayyybe gets into gender, but also is open to other folks – largely this is about how people experience the world through their bodies, and how those bodies affect those experiences.

maybe i need to pull out a thesaurus. hmm.

moral of the story: advice, please?

tho bout was crazy. mad. wonderful. i got to work the door, organizing lines and making people sign waivers… it’s an overwhelming job. i spent the afternoon running up and down lines and bellowing news – we were sold out, we might be able to let a few more people it, we were really truly officially sold out. it was very strange to have interacted with nearly everyone by the time i sat down.

this week is calmer. no more flower job, less social plans. i’m waiting for my outdoor wheels to show up so that i can skate without paying the rink. i asked my grandmother if she wanted to come to skate lessons tonight, but… she didn’t.

my scarf is something like four feet long now, so that’s amazing to look at – knitting is really a place where you can keep an eye on your progress, where there is instant validation, if you will.

i’ve been planning my next few months, year or so, and i’m hopeful. i’m great at plans, and every so often i can make them pan out. this feels like one of those times – trans leadership summit is coming up, then evergreen, then summer. amsterdam. something. i’ve been eying a bunac visa for after amsterdam, i want to take a look at british housing/employment stuff and see if i could actually make it happen.

this is the part where i wiggle with potential.

the grand canyum

Originally uploaded by capnpuck

seriously, it is a world of cute.

i walked out of work this morning and there were bunnies. bunnies bunnies bunnies bunnies bunnies! the last time i saw bunnies was at the grand canyon. they were pretty much the only thing i could tell people about the grand canyon (other than wondering about how many times people punned the word “grand” there, and what’s with the pun theme lately?), largely because the canyon was so… large. we went on thanksgiving, did you know that the Native retailers around the canyon take thanksgiving off? this fascinates me.

so bunnies, eating grass, being adorable, hopping and fluffy.

you know, originally this post was going to have nothing to do with the grand canyon. it was going to talk about School Plans (evergreen in the spring! can i stay on your couch for two nights in a row, anyone?), and Summer Plans (amsterdam! it might work this time!) and Things Coming Soon:

usd vs. portland

people’s society for knitting and libations

usd vs gonzaga

from fucking to feminism (someone go to this with me? i’ll be drop dead tired from working 6:30 am to 3pm)

and then, and then SAN DIEGO DERBY DOLLS’ FIRST BOUT OF THE SEASON. i am so excited. it is hard corps vs. diego rollers, i think for the only time this season until the championships, and then the derby dolls all stars vs. the blood and thunder training camp team. i’m pretty sure this will be the dolls’ first time playing under wftda rules, which means that it’ll be…. an interesting bout strategically, if nothing else. but come on, how likely is “nothing else?” it’s derby. it’s awesome. it’s at skateworld, for goodness sake.

crap! i wanted to bring this up also, although it does not fit the theme of Awesome Things.

i just want to bring up, evergreen: just like all hippies are not wonderful, not all cops are evil.

oh! and i would like to welcome erica to the greendino family. rawr.

i have a job! it is seasonal and low-paying and ultimately would be unexciting except that 1) it is a job and 2) they offered it to me less than two hours after my interview. which made me feel shiny.

i also have maybe a plan! i’m hoping to do evergreen in the spring (see boat class, below), hopefully walk at graduation, and then do a different, cheaper, nice, amsterdam sexuality program in the summer. i like having plans.

in long-term plans, a friend of mine mentioned dreaming of moving to vermont, and i glomped onto it. spring? next year? i’ll have graduated, need a place to go to. vermont? two amazing people to live with? uh, sounds great thanks.

derby starts again soon, with a double header exhibition bout on the 23rd. … and my work schedule means no skating class for me. damn, must figure that out.

anyhow, job excitement is the moral of this post!

i am first on the waitlist still, but nowwww the program leaves in less than a month! so chances that i’m going look very. slim.

which leads me to: do i want to graduate in six years but with this awesome gender and sexuality program last on my transcript? or do i just want to freaking graduate already, by taking whatever at evergreen this spring?

the latter is quite appealing (except that the only program that really excites me is this one? but.)… i could still go to amsterdam, it would cost the same (evergreen would want tuition to put it on my transcript anyway), and i could have a college degree. wouldn’t that be nice.

p.s. jaci, there was no way for me to refrain from stealing your boat (garage) for this post. i love you.

my alarm is set for six hours and forty-two minutes from now. i have a job (for a week), which is a pretty awesome thing because it means, mostly, five hundred plus more dollars than i had before.

unfortunately, i am already spending some of that money in my head… i’m wanting to buy roller derby pads, probably from sin city skates. expensive, but important.

jorb is good for structure. i’ve been better at getting getting things done just knowing that it’s coming – making things ready for the next day, sure, but also cleaning the house. it’s crazy, how important it can be to have something to work toward.

that said, though, my sleep schedule still isn’t working. i trained for two hours today and then came home and accidentally napped for five hours. i just downloaded an alarm clock for my computer, so hopefully that will help, but still – obnoxious.

saturday: my mum has a hair appointment at nine downtown. at eleven downtown there is a tranny picnic (until two, i think). at one, a tiny we know is being baptized. at five-thirty, there’s a tranny meeting. of course saturday is the day we decided to go to the padres game…

sunday: knitting. it was fun this week, i went with my aunt. i was afraid they’d make fun of my garter stitch scarf, but they really liked it. nobody could advise me on fulling, but someone taught me how to do an i-cord. and then i taught some other people. there were six new people there, including my aunt and i – and maybe twenty people there total. crazy! we left three hours after it started and they were still knitting like mad.