i’ve been having trouble sleeping lately and have mostly resigned myself to being nocturnal.

my partner goes to sleep and i putter. it’s when i’m productive, when i’m alone at night. but then i try to go to bed and i still can’t sleep, so i sit around being restless.

tonight they got up at four to go to the bathroom and said “i got the email,” handing me their phone.

there was excitement in their voice and they were surprised when i handed their phone back to them and groaned “we’re fucked.”

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i had done my research and knew that having a methy house was bad news, so i was surprised when my partner said “no we’re not, i think we’re fine!”

they are a math tutor, so i trusted when they said “i think you’re reading the results wrong. i think we have to convert that number…” but as the sun came up we were staring at our phones, researching and trying to figure out what the heck this document was trying to tell us.

we were in bed (i was still trying to convince my body that it should sleep) and spent the time vacillating between exhausted relief and overwhelmed panic. “no, i think the math goes this way!” “can we even do that?” “is a microgram the same as a ug is the same as an µg?” “we have to square the units, too!”

i don’t know. i don’t know math. i don’t know meth. we finally realized that indeed, we were screwed. i pulled the sheet over my head and slept.

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